Too Wonderful

I have absolutely come to accept that there are no answers on this earth for why awful stuff happens. God is not offering, nor does he owe me, any explanations. That's okay. I can let that rest, and move on. I don't really need a reason. I just need some mercy, and some grace, a little peace God, if you please, so I don't bang my head against the wall and run around like a rat in a maze looking for imaginary cheese.

Sometimes I wonder, though. I wonder what God thinks of my best guesses.

He gave me disabled children to help me grow closer to Him.
So I can help other parents.

He chose me to be their mother because he knew I would do a good job.

Random stuff happens, He set stuff in motion and now He has no choice but to sit back and not interfere. He feels bad and all, but what's done is done. Rain falls on everyone and all that.

But wait...

Maybe my little boy stares at dust sparkling in the sun and talks in riddles because God made Him that way, because it pleased Him to make something beautiful, and maybe I am honored and blessed just to stand back and breathe the same air. Maybe little boys whose shins and hearts bruise far too easily are the best kind, and God's very best works of art are bestowed on me and I am just too consumed with my lame hopes and plans to see it.

And so I start my day, this is me God, not concerning myself with matters too great for me. My soul is still and quiet. Maybe things aren't too awful for me to understand. Maybe they are just too wonderful to comprehend.