Pennies

We are always longing, my family and I. We live with a beautiful mysterious creature who reveals himself, just a little at a time. Appearing and disappearing. I thought perhaps I was the only one who sat and wished, wished and wished to hear what is inside of my enigmatic little boy.

I used to long for my husband, when we were single, and I thought he loved me but just wasn't sure enough, or brave enough, to let him near me. But I would watch him move and be and talk with friends, and I longed to know him, to hear what his heart had to say.

Sage was asked to draw a picture of his goals at a workshop. His goals were to get more stars at school, and there was a drawing of stick figures with boxes. I asked him what it was.
"That's me and Jude," he says, looking down. "What are you doing?"

"We're talking on walkie talkies," he says.

We are all wishing, and longing. Waiting.

Last night I put Jude to bed, and as I left, I heard him call, "I love you.." He had never said it before, and I turned quickly to look at him.
And then he started to sob.
And sob. Heart breaking, gullywashing sobs that had nothing to do with going to bed. I held his head and tried to get him to talk, tell me why he was crying.

Even if he could tell me, there may not have been words. Maybe he's been longing, too. We
are all wishing and waiting. Little by little, wishes are coming true. We all just have hold our pennies, and wait.