This Just In...Trip to Farm is Big Success

Jude's class went to the pumpkin farm yesterday. It was a petting zoo, too, and there was a big tractor pulled hay ride.

I can't remember when we stopped taking Jude out in public except for school or the doctors. I think it was when he outgrew the stroller. The excitement, the not knowing what was next, buzzing sounds the rest of us could not hear, the fear of having to go home, they would all be too much for him, and the shrieking and writhing would ensue. People would stare and say stuff and I would say stuff back and act badly with no excuse. It was always just easier to stay home.

I missed the zoo, the park, the aquarium, and if we left Jude at home with a sitter I missed him, too. Sage missed out on so much. It broke my heart.

Recently we were brave enough to go to the aquarium. Jude had a blast. He yelled around a little when the dolphin show was over, but no meltdowns. We took him to the pool, where he was ecstatic the entire time, splashing and shouting and jumping into the water, over and over. We were thrilled, until he started to vomit. And vomit, and vomit, pool water and macaroni.

The pool reopened, eventually. It was a great story, anyway.

So, when the busses pulled up at the base of the giant inflatable pumpkin, my expectations were reasonable. As long as Jude had fun, and didn't ruin it for everyone else, I was all good.

Jude got off the bus, and saw me, and literally shook with joy. We all went over to the hay ride area to wait for creepy farmer guy to pull us around with a tractor. Whee. Jude waited patiently, where all around us, kids were writhing and shrieking and falling down with the pure excitement of it all. I recognized the syndrome, the 'I want every bit of it right now and I can't comprehend the concept of waiting in line' thing that autistic kids do. I was okay with it, and I expected it from Jude at some point.

He climbed onto the wagon, and we went lurching round the farm, and Jude was smiling, and pointing at stuff, and we got off the wagon, and went around and petted zebras and goats and pigs and stuff, and he was so happy and excited, and we saw rabbits and hay and gourds and STILL he was happy, and we sat down and ate lunch, and his juice spilled, and still he was good,
and time to go, and he waves bye to the farm with a little pumpkin in his bag to take home, and
God, thank you God, I never had a better day in my whole life. I had fun with my little boy at a pumpkin farm. CNN, ABC, NBC, stop the presses, there is breaking news. We had a blast.

We have worked hard this year, therapy after therapy, long hours and at times it seemed like it was getting nowhere.

I remember the moment Jude was born, after three days of teeth grinding pain and exhausting work, and Dr. Michael puts him right on my chest, screaming, and the biggest sense of relief and contentment washes over me, and the hardest hours of my life are behind me, and I know sleepless nights and hard times are ahead, but in that moment every tear, every desperate moment was so worth it, because now I was complete.

That's how I felt at the base of the giant inflated pumpkin, standing there with Jude watching it billow and buckle in the wind. It has all been worth it, we have a long way to go, but right here, right now, I have nothing more to ask for. Jude is happy, and I am complete.